Bulwer-Lytton Sample Sentences
The fat man grabbed the controls of his beat-up airplane as he zoomed
at the big mountain covered with dirt that got closer every minute, and
couldn't get to them because he was so fat, so he grabbed his whip from
his belt and lassoed the controls to see a farmer flip him off, and when he
turned back around he saw that he was running into another cliff and then
he crashed with a big boom.
The hairy, impulsive, reckless, dangerous, helpless, rebel swings from a
rope that wishes it could drop him beneath the ocean, so that he can
become fish food, fish food what a thought as, he swings to the girl
grabbing her like a sack of potatoes saying, roughly in a deep voice, as
deep as the black hole in space, "You Jane, me Tarzan!"
Captain Cheesy, the one-legged sea dog stood at the bow of his ragged
torn down ship with his large pot belly protruding out toward the rushing
sea, bellowing undeterminable commands to his unworthy ship crew who
hated the crude blasphemous pirate for the obnoxious cackle that he let
out at the sight of any oddity.
Calvert, the honorable, wise, and magnificent Grand-Duke of Wirthlin,
slayer-of-dragons, swallower-of-steel, and lean-of-body, sat pondering
the mysteries of the universe and whether are and one really made fire,
while picking the lint off his favorite, small, red, gold, purple, and green
(and every other imaginable color in his small dingy world) holey socks.
The man reached up to his black, brown patch covering the eye that which
was a white slimy eye socket..........
Big Bad John sat at the end of the card table with his deadly confident
poker face standing still in the dark, smoky light, hitting his cigarette-but
wait, his attention was distracted when he saw the love of his life, the
forbidden barmaid Lupalaska-yet as quickly as he was distracted, he
returned his attention back to selecting a horse shoe for the big
game-for the stakes were high as death in this challenge.
The battle of the Erma people caught the eye of the world with its spelling
bees, dance offs, and trivial questions, for the Erma people were polite
and nonviolent and could find these to be the only way to win the head
of Queen Erma whom lost it when playing a game of chess with the native
head-hunter chief, by which he lost, and so did she.
The huge ship hit the shore like a ton of bricks causing everyone aboard
to fall flat on their faces, but they regained enough balance to crawl on
their knees off the boat to the sandy shore only to find
itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny little people inhabiting the dream island they
thought they had discovered, but hadn't.
I awoke from a deep sleep one night only to find a purple man in a green,
yellow, red, blue, white, black and grey suit hovering my bed with a
peculiarly wicked smile.
The wild west was often taken for a dangerous exciting place, but as
Marrin Boyce, the CEO of Webster's Publishing House, came to see it
was a prairie with many new descriptive words to make-up and define,
like not other even he would rather be doing.
The courageous knight looked up at the dark, fearsome clouds and then
threw his pick into the hard rock by the shore of the island, causing a
rumbling sound which cracked the earth and exposed a levitating bathtub
inhabited by a duck with red lipstick and blonde hair; the duck billed out,
"Hi honey, I'm home."
Whutherford looked at the shining face of his true, best love, the woman
of golden hair as soft as marmalade, ruby lips as red as blood, and skin
the texture of the softest snake skin and sighed a breathy, booming sigh
that smelled of fish, unaware that at the end of the story that his only
reason for living would be plowed down by a runaway locomotive driven
by his sadistic twin brother who hated the love he had for her, and took
her in his arms under the yellow quarter of a moon.
Her huge, gigantic, ridiculously big body leaned over to give the scrawny,
frail, useless man a wet slobbery kiss with those huge, hideous lips - -
she had tried to put bright, fluorescent lipstick on them but ended up
putting more on her face than lips, just at that moment he took the
mongrel mutt of a dog, put it in the path of a kiss, and the dog then bit
this huge, ferocious looking woman as she exclaimed with her eyes
closed, "Oh, I like it rough!"
As he turned his well-muscled body her way and gazed soulfully into
her limpid eyes, her chest heaved with passion and she collapsed
in rapture at the feet of his Adonis-like, tanned body, swearing undying
A dark brown haired man with tan skin and muscles bulging lay on the
ground sleeping peacefully in total content with himself but, as Lilla
stared at the man of her dreams, she began noticing his precious rosy
red lips turning blue which could mean the only truth was the man of
her dreams was dead and beginning to rot.
Her flashing blue eyes met his daring and fabulous green eyes across the
room, only for them to be held in gridlock to see which one would break
the trance that they were held in together, yet before they knew it, they
were walking towards each other through the dim bar, pushing over
objects, people, and even stepping on dogs, to reach their destination
of each other's arms.
He grabbed her arm, as she was about to jump out the window, with his
big beefy strong hands and pulled her up to his chest and laid a big,
sloppy, wet smooch on her nose.
Apollo grabbed her delicate hand and pulled her fragile body towards
his huge muscular body to embrace her while the golden sun made her
blond hair and blue eyes sparkle with passion as their faces grew
closer and closer and his tender lips reached her red lips, as the
fireworks exploded in the sky and.....
As he opened the door to Billy Bob's fish market, a familiar crab-bait,
fishlike aroma assaulted his nose, but by the look and manner in this man's
walk, you knew he was on a mission, and Bertha, the new Billy Bob's
fish maiden, was his target, whom he had heard of through the grapevine
down at the local pier, here he was in charge of all left over fish scraps.
The moonlight glittered on the water, forming a string of pearls that gently
washed up against the feet of the two adulterating love birds, who were
staring into each other's eyes at they exchanged soft, caressing touches
and listened to the melodious tones of the night owl overhead, who
thought it unfortunate that the adorable couple did not see their spouses
engaging in an equally romantic ritual on the other side of the island.
The unicorn gracefully flew through the sky but up ahead couldn't see
past the clouds, BANG right into a huge Redwood that seemed to be
growing out of the cloud, her horn was stuck, lodged in the massive
barky trunk of the tree which also had a honey nest - the honey started
to drip on the beautiful white coat - wait a minute here comes
Superman and he, of course, saved the day.
Sheila got out her pamphlet "Learn to run a ship in 48 hours" and began
reading the first sentence which said: "Driving a spaceship can be an
incredibly simple talk if one first understands the complexities of
combining the power of solar energy and the turbo thrust, as well as
keeping in mind that one is a vacuum with little or no room for error as
one is surrounded by black holes, meteorites, comets, and planets, not
to mention the occasional spaceship and hot dog stand, and remembering
that one is responsible for an incredibly large spaceship and probably
hundreds of lives."
"2500 was the class to be," announced the 12 year old academy
graduate bouncing and hopping, with diploma in hand, toward his newly
roboticized mother who was smiling so big that the metal jaw plate got
stuck, but the very educated boy got the plate unstuck and shouted:
"I am leaving for Mars Advanced Training Program now."
Underneath he earth they sat, silent in their waiting for the ferocious
beast Melabarga, who looked like an overgrown sheep dog with the
exception that it had not shaggy fur, only had two legs, no tail, didn't
bark, and didn't eat dog food; despite this, it still scared the mutant
humanoids to death like a dog.
Carl awoke inside a bed of green and brown slime, wondering where he
was, but as soon as he broke the outer shell that was trapping him in
this slime, he was being sucked into a huge light only to find aliens
with purple bodies and orange hair waiting to receive him in a hole that
looked like a giant grave to him as soon as he reached the bottom of
the hole he was becoming blinded by the huge amounts of slime being
dumped on top of him, while his parents were sitting in their peaceful
home wondering where he was.
The relatively young man, though some might think him old, stood
outside the seemingly tall metal sphere, though it may have been short
to some, and just right to others, trying to figure out what the object
was and where it had come from, all the while imagining the purple,
yellow, blue, red, and black beings with tall antennas and big buggy
eyes which were contained within, only to find that it was just an old
metal tank with mere mice infesting it.
As I was sitting in my living room on galactic space station relaxing
and reading a 2194 Guiness Book of World Records, when my dog
Poopers, the last of his breed, started barking, I got a little scared
because Poopers hardly ever barks, but then as I turned around
I saw what she was barking at, a giant black and white fuzzy hand
was slowly evolving out of the T.V. set, I knew what it was and I was
prepared for it with my galactic laser gun start shooter, but the only
thing I couldn't out was how it found me.
The red, blinking light flashed like a giant, refracted flare from the sun
two and one-quarter inches from the device which allowed Jim to
reinstate the normal ship perimeters; however, Jim realized he was
too late-the hangar door opened with a loud clank and the change in
pressure ripped through Jim's head, distracting him from the emerging
figure, which, when he regained his composure, saw was Cecil in her
76-Triple D sports bra, the video store clerk he had seen long ago,
only to find he was sliding toward her, closer and closer to the huge
rip in her pants which had once bellowed like a tornado.
Buffalo Bruce pulled his six-shooter out of his belt and faced Chief
many of the tribe who surrounded him, so many in fact that he shot all
four-hundred of them down and then pointed the gun at Chief
and stared him in the eye saying, "How,
how are you, part'ner?"
The frail, scraggly, toothpick sized man tried to lift the huge AK-47 that
was strapped Rambo-style across his back to shoot the man he was
pacing back to back with, he turned to square up and shoot but his
frail arms that contained no muscle couldn't get the huge, monstrous,
gigantic gun on his back and so..... he died.
Chief Sitting Dog sat around the glowing fire of his teepee with the wise
men of the tribe, when all of a sudden there was a ruckus outside to the
east of their camp, and at once they reacted by crawling on all fours
outside the smoke filled teepee where they were confronted with
General S.B. Scott and the fourth regiment who were a group of
sorry-looking men in blue uniform.
Shoot-em-in-the-back Jack, shot the hero deader than a doornail (or so
he thought), downed his tenth shot of whiskey and then tried to step
toward the doors, only to discover that his boots had been tied together
by the not-so-beautiful barmaid Mildred, where upon, he fell flat on his face.
Buck's mind wandered slowly to the past when he was a child, when
he would run and play with his sisters, when he would often be
harassed by them, when he would have his face rubbed in the dirt;
when thinking this his mind then wondered, "What made me turn into
such a hero by saving women when my life has practically been ruined
by them," never mind that thought, he thought, it was off to save the
single women's wagon train.
His ragged blue jeans hung from the dirty flaccid skin that covered his
body with dark brown leather patches that covered the holes that
had been produced there from riding his horse, Leeroy, too much
before he learned that the saddle went on the horse's back not his own.
The tall, handsome man with a dark mustache and dark, coarse hair
sticking out of the edge of his brown, weathered cowboy hat waved
goodbye to his newly-wed wife as he climbed upon his sturdy brown
horse and rode off into the unknown, deserted desert, not knowing
that ahead of him were the most fearsome tribe of Indians in the
West, and in less than an hour he would be lying in the middle of the
desert with an arrow sticking out of his heart and the dust blowing
over his body and eventually covering him and his wife never being
able to find him.
The old man sat upon an even older mule as he galloped away from the
old town in purple jeans, green boots, and a bright pink shirt, all the
while scared of the woman he was to marry when he got to the next
town, for he had heard so many rumors about he was beginning to
wish he'd die before getting there because the only other way he
could get out of marrying her was to have a duel against her twin
sister and he didn't want the last thing he saw to be a large woman
in a pastel pink dress with a gun pointing at him.
The scrawny horse paced back and forth in his stall, clumsily and out
of place like he was just coming of age, that the unshaven, dirty,
chewing cowboy who owned the horse waited to saddle the horse,
just sat on the fence and flicked cow chips off his boots and watched,
waiting for a good time to ride the horse, even though there was no
"good" time because the horse could and would collapse if there was
any weight heavier than a horseshoe placed on him.
The sun beat down on the hard clay as the dry, swirling dust beat up
against the Stranger's face who was lying in the middle of the road
next to the Slimy Saloon which towered over him, making the drunken
men above him look very small as they puked out the windows, when
slowly, the town sheriff came closer, crunching the gravel underneath
his spurred boots and asked what was wrong; the stranger replied
that he had been trampled down by Big Bertha on a horse, with whom
he had stayed the previous night.
Lightning flashed outside the window, and thunder roared loud in the
inspector's ears as he shared house with his insane brother only
of them there, and suddenly, the thunder was echoed by the sound of
a gun, and the inspector fell to the floor dead while his jealous twin
brother gloated about being able to take the inspector's place, while
gleefully shouting, "Now let's see you tell the police who dunnit, you
It was a dark, dreary, rainy, stormy, muddy, lightning-boltish, cloudy,
foggy, thunderish night at Herman's old mansion. He had invited his
long lost twin over for dinner this awful night, he had never seen her
before. She was ten hundred times as big as Big Bertha. He greeted
her at the door but she couldn't fit so he got his crow bar and pried
her through the door, in the process she landed on top of him and
killed the little fragile man. Just then she started screaming,
"I've fallen and I can't get up," a shadow shone in the moonlight...
and she thought... is somebody going to come kill me.
Yes but the knife got caught in al her blubber and she unfortunately
survived, but who stabbed her?
Outside the sky was pitch black except when lit by a violent flash of
lightning, while inside the enormous and ancient castle the newly wed
couple sat pleasantly before a crackling fire enjoying their first night
away from their childhood homes, however this was soon to end for
when Sally went into the kitchen to prepare cheese and crackers
she heard a muffled yelp which she responded to by returning to the
living room her new husband Hank was nowhere to be found, so she
stood there eyes wide wondering where he had gone.
Detective Charley sat hidden in the shadows while the villain shot the
other man dead, shouting the whole time the location of the queen's
stolen jewels, who his accomplices were, all their past evil doings, and
why he had to shoot the man, thus solving the mystery before it had
The clouds were dark with gloom as a shot rang through the pitch
black room which hit the back of the fair maiden Bella just minutes
before the murderer tripped over her dead body, hit his head on the
piano, and knocked himself out only to awaken seconds before he
was to be shot by a masked man whom his ghost had to come back
to find and seek revenge upon.
It was a dark and dreary day when Melissa and Nancy set out for a
shopping spree in Eugene, but when they were about halfway it
started to pout and it made the roads very slippery and when the
car went tumbling off the side of the road and they seemed to be fine,
the car was the least of their worries because the face of a dead
decaying man was plastered against their windshield, was he
Melissa's long-lost father, or could it be Nancy's brothers, cousin's
I jumped at each little creak or whistle as the wind blew against the
dark old house, where I was staying with my friend's family and
watched my friend laugh each time I asked what the noise was,
then I heard the loud pounding of footsteps coming up the stairs
toward our room as the walls shook and floor screeched and I got
more and more afraid at what was coming closer and closer, only to
hear the door open and a huge beast-like thing walk in as I imagined
what it would feel like to be eaten alive, then it spoke: "Dinner's ready."
It was going to be another Sunday night dinner with the family, a normal
dinner where dad made the turkey and mom made the stuffing,
but when we sat down to eat the lights flickered, a scream rang
through the dining room and the lights flickered back on,
but Aunt Margaret was dead.
* Turn to page 29 if Uncle Dido did it with a knife
* Page 31 if Mom did it with the candlestick
* Page 33 if Bad Bad Broomhilda the wicked stepsister did it with
her own bare hands
* Or page 81 if Dad did it with the automatic turkey knife carver
The lightning crackled in the stiff night air as Mr. Quinn moved closer
and closer to the chair, turning it around slowly only to see Dr. Calgary
suffocated with a pair of fuzzy dice and tattooed with a colorful picture
of Bozo the Clown, when from the corner of his eye, he saw movement
on the other end of the study and then a flash of blue and while
polka-dots; as Mr. Quinn felt his life expiring, he saw only bright, red
curly hair and heard the honking of a child's toy nose, realizing that
he never should have flipped off that carnival clown when he was.....
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